Accepting Radical Acceptance
During my treatment program, one of the weekly sessions that I participated in was a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) session. I’m not going to focus on the specifics of what DBT is. That’s what Google is for. 😃But, it was and still is a huge part of my treatment and now my recovery.
Each week in DBT group, we discussed a variety of topics designed to help us deeply explore our eating disorders. One topic that continues to intrigue me is the idea of “radical acceptance”. Radical acceptance embraces the overall idea of fully believing that something is as it is. It means that we acknowledge reality. This concept isn’t reserved just for those in an eating disorder or addiction situation. Everyone can use this information.
When I first heard the term “radical acceptance” used, I thought it was a rather simple concept. I had no idea. One of the first things that we learned is that radically accepting a situation does NOT mean that you have to like it. Let’s say that you have planned to go camping. You wake up that morning and see clouds developing. You check the weather forecast and discover that, at a 90% chance, there are going to be thunderstorms all day. You are disappointed because you had made these plans with your partner for some time. You have choices at this point. You can go on the camping trip even with the high possibility of rain occurring and not care whether there is rain or not. You can cancel the entire trip and reschedule. You can cancel the trip and not reschedule. You can come up with alternate plans. On and on. The options and maturation of ideas may be infinite. You decide to go on the trip. As you drive along your partner keeps checking the weather forecasts in hopes that there will be a change in the weather prior to you getting to your destination or at least by nightfall. Your partner keeps on looking up at the sky hoping for some blue skies to emerge. The entire trip, they focus on what they want or hope will happen. They more than once express that this isn’t fair, that the universe is against you both, and wonders “why us?” You, however, have accepted that there is going to be rain today. Based on that reality, you have decided that it would be fun to hike in the rain and make a unique memory. You’re definitely bummed about not being able to see a beautiful sunset later while you two picnic in your favorite spot, but you’ve come to terms with that reality and made your decisions based on it.
You are displaying “radical acceptance”. You have a grip on the high possibility that it is going to rain. You are not happy about it. You do not like it. But, you accept the reality and are trying to make the best of the situation. If the sun comes out by chance, that would be a wonderful surprise. But, you’re not waiting on that to happen to have a good time. Your partner, however, refuses to accept that it is going to rain. They aren’t able to let the hope go during the entire day. Instead of enjoying the moment as it definitely is, they are hoping for something that it not going to happen. They haven’t accepted the reality. Perhaps they will later in the day, but for now, they aren’t able to do that.
It took me a long time to radically accept that I have an eating disorder. I accepted many years ago that I’m obese. I’m not chubby, fluffy, or retaining water. I’m obese. But, I wouldn’t even say the words “eating disorder” out loud for quite a while. Now, I’m at a point of acceptance. I have an eating disorder. I don’t like it, I’m not happy about it, and I don’t want it to stay the same. I’ve accepted that I have this and that there are steps that I will need to take in order to lessen its effects on me. I’ve accepted that my eating disorder doesn’t make me “bad”, “flawed”, or “broken”. I clearly recognize that I will have to give up behaviors that no longer serve me and find new, healthier, coping mechanisms. I recognize that I’m scared and angry. But, I also accept that this is just the “thing” that I have to deal while every individual is dealing with their own “thing”. I’ve accepted that.